If I hear peem…
It was neither peem nor gbes. It was like gbas gbos...
Yo... What's up?
How have you been? I know I said I’ll send another newsletter soon, but I didn't expect it to be this soon. I thought it would be when I’m engaged again because I’ve added about 0.000001% to the unemployment rate in Nigeria. I actually thought it was something like 0.002%, but Meta AI said it’s like 0.000001%, so we’ll stick with that. I’m trying my best to reduce it sha.
The newsletter will take another form, mainly stories and experiences from my life and whatever catches my fancy.
Actually, this gist is supposed to be for my WhatsApp viewers, but I remembered that I have somewhere I could document it, so why not?
I was having my bath on Saturday when I had the urge to play Greatman Takit’s ft. IMHRAN ‘Finidi George’. By the way, I've never really listened to any Greatman Takit song, except when he was featured on ‘Volume of the Book’ by Moses Akoh and seeing him perform ‘Finidi George’ on the streets, somewhere in the UK. When I came out of the bathroom, I searched for it on Spotify and switched from Anendlessocean's ‘Sceptre EP’ to Greatman Takit's song. I liked the chorus. It goes thus:
If I hear peem
For middle of the night
I no dey fear
I pray to God
Then I attack
Finidi George x2
And if I hear gbes!
For middle of the night
I no dey shake
I pray to God
Then I attack
Finidi George x2
That's how I played the song on repeat and went to a pharmacy. Treked, actually. Paused it for a while and sang only the chorus because that's what stuck in my head. I'm sure I hummed till I slept.
On Saturday, we were all asleep at home. Or better still, I was asleep; can't really say for my parents. Before I knew it, I was hearing sounds. It was neither peem nor gbes. It was like gbas gbos, but more. The sound was loud like thunder, but closer than the skies, and it carried another thing with it. When I woke up and looked outside the window, I saw the security light blinking. On first instinct, I jumped out of bed and pulled the changeover from light to generator, and the sound died. I checked on my parents and saw that they were fine. That’s how we went to the parlour. My mum was saying, Jesus, blood of Jesus, thank you, Jesus. You know African mothers na, but thank you, Jesus true true, because wetin we wan talk. My dad went outside to check a few things and came back inside. We went to sleep but didn't change over.
Sunday morning was here, and we woke up like nothing happened, had devotion and prepared for church. What a good day to be alive! Thanks to Jah, I ironed one trouser like that some days ago. I wore one shirt with it and was off to church. In church, I couldn't press my phone because it was low, and I gave it to my mum to help me charge. In order to zone out during service, I doze off on and off purpose. I collected my phone after church and was happy that it was 100%. Good, this should last till this light stuff is fixed. As I walk back home, I play my latest jam, Finidi George. It's still on repeat, and I was able to learn some lines like ‘I don tell Ebenezer say na only him the stone wey I trust’ and ‘shakabula with the tongues wey I speak... The first thing I do when I get home on Sundays after changing to house wear (probably the only thing I learnt in boarding school, and garri) is to put food on fire. Rice, of course. What's a Sunday without rice? After putting my food on fire. I checked my phone and saw 76%. As how nau?
Yes, you've been playing (streaming) one song on repeat, but for how long? I’m beginning to think that my phone didn’t charge confam 100%. It probably sensed I was coming and raced to 100% to make me happy. My mum confirms this thought because, according to her, the phone was at seventy-something a few minutes before I picked it up. For the record, my phone charges slowly. I sha dey play my song till I tell Greatman Takit and IMHRAN to rest, make I continue from there. That's how I sang my own chorus:
If I hear peem
for middle of the night
I no dey fear
I pray to God
Then I sleep back
Finidi George...
I've literally seen somebody attack in the middle of the night. Like he was throwing punches at the air, and I was sleeping beside him. He stood, and was boxing abi attacking. I juss be like, not again, Lord. Did I do anything? Nope, I slept like a baby.
Anyways, later that Sunday evening, an electrician came to check what was wrong. He checked and checked, and according to him, the wires are healthy. You're sure you didn't see anything, sir? Issokay. I told my dad when he came back, but he wasn’t satisfied yet. Not too long after, we heard that same sound we heard in the night. I ran to check if I don mistakenly change back to light. No, it was still on generator. Wetin be this? We sha went out and saw that it was a transformer nearby that was making that noise. Damn. This transformer (plus fear) deprived my household of light. Shit. Turns out, it does like this once in a while, but that yesterday one was bloody. I went back to change back to light and change my POS, sorry, phone, that was already low. It was when we knew what happened that my dad's mind came down because when the transformer made noise yesterday, there was fire too, and he saw it through the window in his room. I didn't even know that. Now I understand why my mum said Jesus like 15 times yesterday. I told my dad that objects in the mirror are closer than they appear because it looked as if it was burning just outside the window. It was also coincidental that it was when I changed over yesterday that the noise and light went off sha. That light no last before NEPA did what they know how to do best. They took the light.
Nobody takes your light in Jesus’ name. A louder Amen.
Till next time, If I hear peem…
